In a shop one day..
Ah Lian: Eh Ah Chek, you got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lyou siao ah! (You crazy?) Stocking wear up to ‘yeo’ (waist) only, where got up to the ‘nee’ (breast) one.
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian’s place to show it to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
Ah Beng: This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!
Ah Lian: Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!
Ah Beng: Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!
Ah Lian: Let me try! I wan, I wan!!
So Ah Lian took the driver’s seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
Ah Beng: Alamak! (Oh My God!) What you doing? YOU Siao Char Bo! (YOU mad lady!) YOU see lah! Wah Piang eh!
Ah Lian: Solee, solee, pai sah lah! (Sorry, Sorry, embarrassing!) No lah, I thought hor, R for racing mah!
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren’t enough lifeboats.So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. “You must act like gentlemen.” They jumped.
To the Americans he said, “You can be heroes.” They complied.
To the Germans he said, “It’s the rule.” They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said,” It’s the consensus.” They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren’t budging until he came up with the appeal: “Free life jackets for those who jumped.”
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng (Chinese recruit): (thinks a while) 7 Sasen (sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant (Malay recruit): Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why yoyou need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March…..One month one.
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song “Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti” (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys Bread)
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told themnto re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers.
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, “Wah low!!!, how you know one?” The first Ah Lian reply smugly, “Easy lah.. G for Gero mah…”
Ah Beng has a problem. So, one day, he went to see a Psychologist Loctar, Loctar Lichard..
Ah Beng: Doc I got a real problem, I can’t stop thinking about sex leh.
Loctar Lichar: Well let’s see what we can find out.
Loctar Lichard pulls out his ink blots and showed it to Ah Beng..
Loctar Lichard: What is this a picture of?
Ah Beng: *turns the picture upside down then turns it around* That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love lor.
Loctar Lichard: Very interesting *proceeds to shows the next picture* And what is this a picture of?
Ah Beng: *looks and turns it in different directions* That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love lar.
Loctar Lichard: *tries again with the third ink blot* What is this a picture of?
Ah Beng: *again turns it in all directions* Aiyoo.. Loctar.. That’s a man and a woman on a bed making love lar.
Loctar Lichard: Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with sex.
Ah Beng: Me???? You’re the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures leh, Loctor!!