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cygig
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Do you like your parents? cygig Jun 11th, 09, 04:33 AM #1
Our parents brought us to this world, pumped in lots of money, teach us and raised us, and this had continued over lots of years and this is essentially how human sustain and increase its population on earth.

But parenting do not just stop at giving birth, putting in money and providing support. It involves love, nurture and its almost about all the interaction between the child and his/her parents. Though the ideology of parenting is great and nobel, its still hard to deny the fact that parents aint perfect.

In Singapore, there are parents who neglect their children. Some resort to violence towards their kids. Alot of times, the object and aim in life between child and parent diverge and they became obstacles to each other. Some parents are good, some parents are bad, alot in grey areas. Thus not everyone love their parents.

I am someone who do dislike my parents, as I felt that the way they upbring me and my sister caused lots of problems to us in the later part of our lives. I feel that their over protection hindered alot in my personal development, as I see myself as a someone who loves creativity and keen towards various experiences in life. But my parents barred me from going out, listening to music, learning computer, playing games, controlling my finance up till as long as when I'm 16-18 years old. When I say "barred", it dun mean "reduce" but rather "not at all" or "near zero".

As much as some parents say that their children as rude and have no manners, I find that my parents are lacking a lot in etiquette. I had heard them lying and breaking promises umpteen times, not only to me, but to her friends and relatives as well. Whenever I approach them and ask for a reason to lie, they will either say "oh, i dun want ppl to know so much" or "its ok one".

Before I queue to buy food, I will take some time to decide what to eat in the menu, and this is the time when my parents will scream at me for "not getting in queue fast, resulting in letting some other person joining the queue". I explained that its ok to others go first, as I dun want to end up jamming the queue when I still cant decide what to eat when its my turn. But they insist im stupid.

Another issue is their totalitarian behaviour. As a member of the house, I will always think of new and effective way to do things. But my folks will always insist on their own way of doing things. The worst is that when i try to reason calmly to them, they will blow up and, no matter how much i try to explain my point, the idea will never get to them, either that or they refuse to accept no matter what. They are quite stubborn and it makes expressing ideas to them really near impossible.

My parents have bad tempers. Dad will bear a black face and flare up over the slightest issue. Mom will scream and cry even the public when she insist on getting her things done, even if it small things like not opening the windows of my room. I myself seldom even shout or scold ppl, let alone flare a temper.

All these lead me to dislike my parents. I used the word "dislike" and not "hate" as what they had done is not enough to warrant a "hate". I still acknowledge the fact that they had done alot for me and spent lots of money on me. I thank them for their teachings, though some are not correct, but its still out of love.

What I can say is, their intention is definitely good, but took a wrong direction. So, dear VR-zone bros and sis, do you like or hate your parents? Share story.

"Not all fathers and mothers make good parents; Not all teachers can educate well. Some are just f*cked up."
- ?????


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Last edited by cygig; Jun 11th, 09 at 11:01 AM..
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無名 Jun 11th, 09, 05:59 AM #2
No matter what, they bought u into this world



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Chris_Moneymaker Jun 11th, 09, 08:48 AM #3
depends...i just dont like when my parents ask me to do things here and there...and dont say "thx" or "please"

its like im their servant not their son
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TheWicked Jun 11th, 09, 09:07 AM #4
what to do?
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booest Jun 11th, 09, 09:52 AM #5
i am a parent now and maybe it is me...
i do not and cannot really force my kids to do what i want.
i see that they have their own behavior, character, personality...etc..

if i force them to do anything, i just do not feel right. But of-course they are still very small.... and there ARE some things i have to force them NOT to do (dangerous stunts for example).. they just do not know. This is when I will step in.


in view of your typical kia su parent. i believe they are not doing anything wrong except in forcing you to do what they do. personally i feel you are all grown up and know what is right and wrong. So i believe we the new generation can be better.

your parent are probably they way they are now due to their many situations in life. So much so that now they are very overly kiasu. OR maybe they are just like that.

So my question is... if your parent.. (IF only) are professional killers. Do you have to be a professional killer yourself? EVEN if they force you to?


there is a reason for everything, you just need to find them out.
some of the reasons might be a bit ridiculous -_-"

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booest Jun 11th, 09, 09:57 AM #6
i know someone....male
brought up in a really bizarre background.

Now he have 4 kids that he walked away from his ex-wife
for a better life with another woman (rich).

he is all wrong in any way you see it....
but if i let you in on his backgorund.. you will not be so surprised .....

all i can say is... shit happens.
life is not easy..... be happy and cherish what you have

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Last edited by booest; Jun 11th, 09 at 10:05 AM..
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Evange Jun 11th, 09, 09:58 AM #7
Well, parenting is really no easy feat. I remember reading somewhere that you must treat your child as if you are flying a kite.

If you let out too much string, the string will most likely break and the kite will fly out of your control. However, if you let out too little string, the kite may not even fly at all.

So the trick is to pull in and let go at the appropriate times. The difficult part is figuring out those "times".
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Cytoplasm Jun 11th, 09, 10:37 AM #8
I dont think we can use strong words as hate. Maybe kids/teens just DISLIKE the way their parents thinks and how they execute stuffs.
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dondon Jun 11th, 09, 10:42 AM #9
Many strong convictions that we had are influenced by our parents. For example you do not control your children too tightly cuz your parenst control u too tightly, or insist that your children follow your every single rules cuz you are taught that way. It can works both ways....

Anyway, to TS, think this is your passing phase. As you get older, and have children of your own, you may end up doing the same things that your "hated" parents. Probably then you would know why your paraents behaved that way.
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cygig Jun 11th, 09, 11:01 AM #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cytoplasm View Post
I dont think we can use strong words as hate. Maybe kids/teens just DISLIKE the way their parents thinks and how they execute stuffs.
Thats why my Poll options i have both "dislike" and "hate". I think i go change the title..
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shmuckerz Jun 11th, 09, 11:09 AM #11
as my parents tell me, always take the good qualities from people and leave the bad.
all parents have flaws, but we just need to try to understand them and get along.
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leandro Jun 11th, 09, 11:13 AM #12
Luvluv ^^ <3
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cygig Jun 11th, 09, 11:52 AM #13
Quote:
Originally Posted by dondon View Post
Many strong convictions that we had are influenced by our parents. For example you do not control your children too tightly cuz your parenst control u too tightly, or insist that your children follow your every single rules cuz you are taught that way. It can works both ways....

Anyway, to TS, think this is your passing phase. As you get older, and have children of your own, you may end up doing the same things that your "hated" parents. Probably then you would know why your paraents behaved that way.
Actually, in a way, im so afraid of children-parent relationship that I do not wish to have children in future anymore. Im serious, i had given it a long tot and my decision is to avoid having children if possible. Its not a deadlock "No Go" becos I never know what will happen in future.

Putting myself as a parent, I can imagine if Im not able to communicate with my children, how disastrous it will be. The idea of being lack behind in society and technology is already very scary. Imagine you see your son surfing porn openly twenty years from now bcos the government legalised it for everyone. And the trend become that everyone likes to be gays and lesbians. But all these unacceptable behaviour might actually be acceptable by then, but being an uncle and parent, my mindset is still stuck in year the 00's and the 10's. And i cannot seem to accept the situation but my son is doing it! Of course thats just an example, but that idea alone is enough to bar me away from having my own kids.

My mom is a house keeper for 20+ years. She has never worked since then. Unlike some of the high class tai tai, she dun go out to shopping mall often. Maybe 80% of her roaming area is the neighbourhood thats all.

As mentioned earlier, i find that she has got problems understanding ppl. I mentioned in my starting thread that she is not able to comprehend ideas and expressions that ppl give her, esp more complex, modern and higher order ideology like "freedom of speech", "each to his own", "dynamic thinking", "generalising/stereotyping", "meaning to life" etc. And in defence and confusion she will just keep stating her own point over and over again, and refuse all other explanation.

And when she read news, she often do not get the whole idea of the story. And most of the time, she dun really analyse the credibility and the underlining moral, she simply read for sensational sake. Same for movies and drama, she just watch cos its enjoyable to watch, when asked about the story, she cant seem to say much about it or even remb it.

This situation is worrying me, becos she is typically living in the 1980's. I realised she can hardly kope with the changes in the society nowadays, as she dun understand why certain ppl do this and that. She expect us to relate to her our daily happening from sch and work, even my dad gets fed up when he told her some of his work stories as she keep asking stupid and unrelated questions due to her lack of understanding of how a modern company work. Same to my sis too, and my sis is not respecting her anymore as she thinks my mom is simply "ignorant".
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cygig Jun 11th, 09, 12:29 PM #14
I want my sis to grow up to be an independent girl. She is sec 2 this year, and I think its time for her to learn how to get around the island herself.

But my mom refuse to let her learn how to travel about singapore. Her reason is
- She will anyhow go out on her own
- She is a defendless girl and out in the public may get molested and raped
- She will learn bad once she goes out on her own

I explained that at her age, going to various places like friends house, school outing, class excursion is far too common. And i will never advise her to go out late at night, its pretty safe in Singapore in the day. Not to mention my sister isnt dumb, she topped the level for a few years. She is quite street smart from the way i observe.

I also expect her to interact with her classmates and learn etiquette and personal relationship. I encourage her to go for clique outings and school functions. But mom is soo protective that, there are times where she would follow her out with her friends and freak em all out.

I expect my sis to have some basic computing experiences to the extend where she can self her most of her PC problems. She seems to be doing fine, but mom complains that she is chatting to guys online. I explain that she is from a girls school and its healthy to mix with some guy friend from outside. Furthermore, this guy is a friend of my sis's BFF in primary school. And mom went on to enfore her theory that this guy conspire with my sis's BFF in order to lure my sis out rape her. I find this idea far fetched, and my sis dun even have the slighest idea of going out with him alone. I advised my sis that, if she needs to meet a stranger online out, do it in a crowded area during day time. But my mom say that is futile, she is NOT ALLOWED to even talk to guys n strangers online as "he may seduce you and make u fall on love with him, then slowly lure you out and rape you".

My sis has quite a talent for creativity, but parents dun encourage her to do in this field as "studies more important". I feel that parents, they should actually provide her support for her talents and encourage her with it. Just that academic is more practical doesnt mean they can just drop her talents.

My sis always hand in her hw on time, and do well for her exam. I dun see why she cant have her own fun time during school days. All her game consoles will be confiscated and released only during holidays. It simply leads to my sis seeking out other methods to entertain herself during school days.

She can time manage well, what work to do on what day and not cram everything into one day. But mom insist her to follow her method of doing homework and end up screwing up all her shedules. And when things happen, mom take a turn to blame my sis not not following her instructions strictly.
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HyoRi Jun 11th, 09, 02:32 PM #15
Have you consulted your dad about this? I see that your worries are mostly about your mom. You should speak to your dad about this.
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